The School Christmas Recipe

gif christmas

gif christmas

This time of year is fantastic. Not just because you get to eat chocolate for breakfast, blame your laziness on dark nights and talk about Christmas until it comes out of your ears, but because next week we can officially join in on the holidays. It's been a hectic year, but you've made it. Forget the 25 missed lunches and the 7892 pens that will never been seen again, you are about to embark on the Christmas season, and by god it feels good. Many forget about how hard you all work and the dedication needed on this very last stretch, so for those of you who need a good dose of reality, here's a recipe that reminds us how much we owe to those who educate our children...

You will need:

1 tired teacher

1 over decorated classroom

24 over excited children

22 boxes of chocolate

30 pickled parents

50 Christmas cards

10 begs for over played Christmas films

15 sticky glue pots

Handfuls of glitter

10 gloves

1 pat on the back


Take your super tired teacher and soak in coffee over night, they will most probably be pretty ruffled around the edges so handle with care. Add your 24 over excited children (shouting may be present but this will hopefully dissolve as the day goes on). Then find your ridiculously over decorated classroom and turn up the heat, this will let most of Decembers flu like germs simmer nicely, ready to spread around before home time. Prepare glue pots (the more squished at the back of the cupboard the better) and loose 7 of the lids, this goes hand in hand with the glitter you're then going to cover the children, classroom and teacher with; SPRINKLE LIBERALLY, who doesn't love a good bit of sparkle? Whilst the ingredients are becoming pretty hectic, add in your 10 begs for over played Christmas films and turn up the volume, leave to stand for 3 or so hours. As 3pm approaches, loose the 10 gloves (and a few hats and scarves if you have them) and bury the teacher with 22 boxes of chocolate and 50 Christmas cards, these will marinate together nicely later on, probably around 7pm when the rubbishy television programmes set in. Roll the whole mixture out and cut out your children from the classroom, pop these to one side ready to bake at a later stage with the already pickled parents. Take your teacher and stew with your 1 great big pat on the back, leave the now rather messy classroom for a later date, or just forget about it until the new year, it's time to let your mixture relax...